K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
