why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
