you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He passed out mid-signature
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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