apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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