You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
