He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
