I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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