dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
