So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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