Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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