I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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