Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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