I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
