So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
