I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
