So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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