I love watching others lives come down to our level.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
