Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
