You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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