yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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