My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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