Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
