I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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