I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
