no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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