So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
