can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
