Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
