I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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