Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
