dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
