the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize