I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
