exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
