i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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