I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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