Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
