Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
