She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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