I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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