So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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