very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
