I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
