My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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