I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
