Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i was born a porn star she said
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
