two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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