so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
