i permit you to call me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
