Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
