is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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