omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
