Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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