I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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