i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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