there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
