Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
