A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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