Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
