We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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