i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
