I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
