i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
