At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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