I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
