If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
